Don't Give Up in The Sexual Prime Of Life!
Author : Dr. David Snarch    -   Subject : Sex

Don't Give Up in The Sexual Prime Of Life!

At what age do men and women reach their sexual peak? And what are the sexual impacts of aging? Think about these two questions, and you can may learn some interesting things about how you feel about yourself.

For many people, these questions bring up a painful litany of aging's negative physical impacts: cellulite, menopause, reduced erections or less vaginal lubrication, stretch marks, hair loss, weight gain--the list goes on. Although ways of enhancing body image and genital performance in later life multiply daily, Viagra, liposuction, implants, collagen injections, lifts, tucks, and makeup often seem like attempts to camouflage reality and make the best of a deteriorating body.

NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES Unfortunately, such thoughts can also reinforce the negative stereotypes many of us learned as we were growing up. At what age, did you once "learn" that people reach their sexual prime? If you studied your text books diligently, you may still believe that men reach their prime in late adolescence, and women reach theirs a decade later. It's true that 20-year-old boys have the quickest and firmest erections of their lives, that 30-something women's breasts do still defy the laws of gravity, and that these women are more likely to have an orgasm than they were in high school.

The problem is, these observations subtly confuse physical prime with sexual prime. Given the way men and women often measure their sexual adequacy and desirability by the way their bodies look and function, this isn't surprising. It's easy to fall prey to common distortions about sex and aging, and then live down to our erroneous expectations.

IMPROVEMENT WITH AGE Now, consider another question that puts these things in better perspective: Are you better in bed now than when you were 20? For the vast majority of people I've encountered in workshops and public lectures around the world, the answer is a joyous--and surprised--"Yes!" That's because sexual prime and reaching your sexual potential involves much more than physical appearance and genital performance. OPENING UP In the last third of life, men are often more interested and capable of intimacy (including during sex) than they were when they were younger. A man may not pole-vault into bed any more, but he's finally willing to stop "proving" himself and let his partner hold him. He's also more likely to tolerate and want a partner who's his equal in bed.

Likewise, older women often stop apologizing for their eroticism and their interest in sex for its own sake. An older woman is less likely to remain a dutiful half-step behind her partner's eroticism; she's no longer immobilized by a fear of threatening him by being more sexually aggressive--or creative. As she matures sexually, she's no longer interested in just letting sex be done to her; rather, she becomes willing and able to do her partner too. She can hold him till he finally relaxes, and she, too, can make him bellow "Oh, God!"

SEXUAL GROWTH, NOT PHYSICAL Sexual potential has more to do with eroticism and intimacy than it does with physical performance. In your ThirdAge, it's more about heart and mind than about blemish-free skin. Lots of people subscribe to the rhetoric that sex and intimacy can improve as we get older, but we're surprised when we find out that we're living proof it's true.

What makes human sexuality quintessentially human is our ability to bring meaning to sex. Reaching your sexual potential involves creating transcendent meanings through profound intimacy, eroticism, and passion. It takes a lifetime to develop this capacity. Sex and intimacy can take on untold depth and poignancy as we mature. Couples often find this quality more than compensates for physical changes that may negatively impact their sexuality.

So next time you look at glamour models and young, hard bodies, don't forget: Most people never reach their full sexual potential, and those who do are usually well into their 50s, 60s and 70s. Cellulite and sexual potential are positively correlated.

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