Lust Turns to Lack of Interest
Author : Dr. P. Sándor Gardos    -   Subject : Sex

Q: My wife and I have been married for 17 years and love each other very much. The problem is that things just aren't as physically exciting as when we were first married. We used to have great sex all the time; now it seems we are both tired and uninterested. What is going on? Is this common?

A: You know the old expression, "Familiarity breeds contempt"? I heard John Money (a famous sexologist) put it a different way: "We don't want to have sex with the person we take out the garbage with every day."

Novelty is an extremely powerful aphrodisiac. In experiments, when a male rat is presented with a receptive female, the two will copulate until they are exhausted, then stop. No amount of prompting from the same female rat will rearouse the male. But if you place a new female in the cage, the male rat perks right up. If you keep placing new female rats into the cage, you can literally drive a rat to die from exhaustion.

Officially, this is known as the "Coolidge Effect," named after an apocryphal story about President Coolidge. He and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a chicken ranch and were being given separate tours. When Mrs. Coolidge got to the hen house, she noticed a rooster copulating with a hen. She asked the farmer, "Does he do that all the time?" The farmer replied, "Every day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to Mr. Coolidge!" When President Coolidge got to the same house, he saw the same thing. He asked the farmer, "Same hen every time?" to which the farmer replied, "Different hen every day." President Coolidge said, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge!"

So yes, what you are experiencing is normal and very common. But that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. If you have a good relationship, there is no reason that you can't reignite the passion. But it takes work.

Think about the things that you used to do when you were first dating and romancing each other. Set aside "special time" each week. Go out on dates. Do whatever it takes.

Sex with someone you have been with for many years may not be the same as when you were first together. But though it may not have the raw lust, it can have a level of intimacy and pleasure that is unmatched!

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